the death of compassion

How old were you when you first remember being hurt and needing comfort? 

Do you remember why you needed comfort?

​Did you hurt yourself physically?

Did someone else hurt you physically? 

Did you feel hurt emotionally?

How did that feel for you?

Were your feelings validated?

Were you told what your feelings were?

Were you told how to express the feelings you were experiencing or were you abandoned, shamed, or ridiculed for your reactions and left to suffer alone in uncertainty and pain?

How do you think this experience may have formed your perception of what compassion was, what you were feeling was, and what feeling safe to express yourself was? 

What is compassion? 

By definition from google: "... Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others."

What does "sympathetic pity and concern for others" look like? Can you picture yourself giving compassion to another? Can you picture yourself giving compassion to yourself? Or is it just a feeling you get? 

We have been living in a world where bad news is around every corner, false facts run rampant, people are stressed and suffering, and there are things threatening to kill you, make you sick, make you poor, make you angry, or make you afraid around every corner. 

You are living in a world where you have the ability to seek immediate external satisfaction to improve yourself and your life. Anything and everything is at your finger tips to make you better. You have the ability to compare yourself with how well or now badly everyone else is doing compared to you,  all day, every day.

So, why are you not perfect? Why are you not an enlightened being by now, saving this world of violence, hunger, and inequality while your sour dough is rising on the counter? 

Because you weren't taught how to be perfect, and you never will be taught, it will never happen. 

You weren't taught how worthy you were of compassion and love. You need to learn how to give it to yourself now. Other people can't fill this traumatic void for you, no matter how much you want to blame them and make them fix you. 

You weren't taught how to show compassion because perhaps you weren't given it. Perhaps, whoever cared for the person caring for you wasn't taught how to show compassion either. What does this do? 

This creates a stigma, a separation of self and others; AND a separation of self from self. There is disconnection, and confusion. Perhaps, through either neglect, abuse, or lack of information; When you needed compassion, you were taught to hide your feelings, or that they were bad, or YOU were bad for feeling them, or reacting to them.
How you were treated when you needed compassion could have given you the idea that some feelings are "good" and some feelings are "bad". This can be confusing because when feelings feel "good" we are happy and able to share ourselves and our good vibes easily with others, and by default we are uplifted too.  All of them are to give us information to help us be better connected to ourselves, so we can better connect to others. 

When we feel "bad" we also share those vibes easily with others too. When we are left unchecked feeling stressed, afraid, angry, embarrassed, tired, sad, or hungry, all these feelings can trickle into the lives of others and by default back to you again, perpetuating your suffering.  

Compassion is naturally built into the human being. How to show compassion to others and to self needs to be taught by example. 

When you roll your eyes at the cashier, muttering impatiently how they can't do their job, and how busy you are today - They take your energy home with them, and so do you, and so does everyone in the line up who have no choice but to watch and listen as they wait for you, including your children.    

When you show patience as you ask how the cashier's day is going, and how it must be so stressful for them with all these changes, and how we are all so busy - They take that energy home with them, and so do you, and so does everyone in the line up who have no choice but to watch, listen, and wait for you, including your children. 

The way you respond to people and situations has an incredible impact on your entire existence. 

How do you show compassion for yourself? Start there. 
Do you use kind, reassuring words about yourself when you make a mistake or are struggling? 
Do you take relaxing breaks for yourself when you feel overwhelmed? 
Do you enjoy hugs and tender touches from loved ones when you are sad, mad, or afraid? 

How do you bring compassion to others? 
Do you offer reassuring words when you visibly see another struggling or making a mistake? 
Do you encourage others to take a break when they are overwhelmed? 
Do you enjoy giving hugs, and tender touches to loved ones when they are sad, mad, or afraid? 

When you are clear on how you need to feel compassion when life is hard and unfair it is easier to extend compassion through actions to others. You are naturally more patient and understanding, which leads to you being more happy and loving, which leads to you making the world a better place. 

You can carry joy, understanding, patience, compassion, love, insight, courage, and forgiveness with you; Or ... 

You can carry, hate, judgement, impatience, anger, contempt, and aggression, and fear with you. 

The choice is yours, whatever thoughts and feelings you carry, you give, and whatever you give, you get to carry with you. 

Choose wisely. 

- Sarah Helten 

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Compassion is Action...